


Closing Every Door

by sweatertown



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Dan makes you tea, Dancing and Singing, Door Checking, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Trauma, Intrusive Thoughts, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, mental health, so cheesy, thats not a tag but it is now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-06 08:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12813618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweatertown/pseuds/sweatertown
Summary: You were fully settled into bed, with blankets over you and hair splayed across the pillow, when the thought came again.Did you lock the door?





	Closing Every Door

**Author's Note:**

> Please Read:  
> I feel like a should add a disclaimer to this, so here we go. This fic isnt supposed to romantacize mental illness. You can’t get better in a single day just because someone you love said a nice thing to you. Recovery (for lack of a better word) takes time and effort
> 
> If you feel like your actions reflect those in the fic (door checking bc thats basically the only thing lmao), please do some further research and find help if needed

The hot summer air made it nearly impossible to sleep. Even with a fan and open windows, the room was thick with heat. It was a miracle that Dan slept so soundly, right next to you, despite the broken air conditioner. You, on the other hand, were tossing and turning all night. You would slip into unconsciousness and all too soon, your brain would pull you back awake.

You stared at the ceiling in despair, little drops of sweat beginning to bead on your forehead. The icy glass of water on your nightstand was drained, but you were too tired to grab another one. So, for what felt like the millionth time, you closed your eyes and tried to sleep.

You let your imagination guide you into sleep. As you felt yourself drift off for the first time in hours, a little petty thought slithered into your mind.

_Did you lock the door?_

You felt yourself wince as you were suddenly pulled back awake right when you were about to fall asleep. You locked the door, didn’t you? You couldn’t particularly remember. If you didn’t, then Dan must have. But how could you be sure? Maybe he’d forgotten. Unease began stirring in your heart. What if the door wasn’t locked? You didn’t want to think about that.

Groggily, you slipped out of bed, and dragged yourself through the hallway, down the stairs, and to the front door. The cold tile of the stair landing shocked you wide-awake. On your toes, you reached out for the doorknob. _Locked_. The anxiety in your heart washed away. Nothing was wrong. Satisfied, you turned back and made your way up the stairs, back through the hall, and into your room.

\---

You were jolted awake again, feeling like you were falling. It must have been a dream but you could barely remember it, even though you were only awake for 3 seconds. The room was noticeably cooler than it had been earlier. You sighed and buried yourself further in the blankets.

_Did you lock the door?_

The thought caught you off guard. Yes, you had locked the door. You remembered waking up and checking it. But the memory was hazy and too vague to grasp. You sat up in bed, desperately trying to recall it. You _swore_ you had locked the door.

You looked at the bedside clock. 1:00 AM. How long ago did you check it again? Well, it didn’t hurt to check a second time. You crawled out of bed. Behind you, Dan groaned and rolled over. Wincing, you tiptoed out into the hallway. Down the stairs, to the landing. The door was locked, as it had been earlier.

You shook your head. You should have known better. You felt the same satisfaction from earlier, knowing you were a bit safer in your home. You stumbled back through the dark house and fell back into bed.  
\---

Frustration bubbled in your chest when you woke for what seemed like the hundredth time. Why couldn’t you just sleep? You threw your arm across your face and gave a heavy sigh. You would kill to get a full 8 hours for once. If only you could sleep like Dan. You peered at him through a half-opened eye. His face was halfway buried in a pillow and his hair was spread out like a fan across it.

He looked so peaceful.

_Did you lock the door?_

The voice in your head suddenly cut your own thoughts short. You groaned and covered your face with your hands. _I locked the door_ , you thought to yourself. _Right?_ No, you were sure that you locked it. You knew that you had climbed out of bed hours ago just to check. But for some reason, you could just not remember.

_No_ , you thought. You knew the reason. Your mind was fucking with you. Sudden amnesia just didn’t happen, at least never to you. You knew that your impulses were twisting your memories, pulling them away from your brain and stealing them. You could only recall locking the door in abstract thought. The actual image of your hand on the doorknob refused to spring to life inside your head.

“Dammit”, you mumbled, giving into your impulses and swinging out of bed. You had only just stood up when Dan began stirring again.

Turning back, you saw that his eyes were half-open, and he was raising his head up slowly. “(Y/N)”, he grumbled sleepily. “Where’re you going?”

“Water”, you whispered back to him. He nodded softly. His eyes fluttered shut and his head hit the pillow again as if he’d never been awake in the first place.

You turned your back and left the room. Water. It wasn’t your best lie, but it worked. You hated lying to Dan but it was better than bothering him with your petty thoughts, especially when he was tired. A sense of helplessness began to rise inside you. You absolutely dreaded the next time you’d have to check the door.

 

\---

You were woken next by a loud mechanical whirr. The sound of metal against metal cut through the night air like a knife. Your eyes shot open and you lurched forward in panic. The jarring noise echoed through the dark house, rattling your windowpanes. You instinctively leaped out of bed and raced over to the window. Carefully peeling apart the curtain, you looked into the street and saw a car roll into view. You sighed. It was your annoying neighbors, the ones who refused to fix their garage door, back from a night of drinking recklessly.

The horrible metallic grinding that woke you came to a stop when their garage door reached the top. You groaned and dragged yourself back to bed. The grinding noise resumed as the garage door closed. You buried your head into the pillows. At last, it was over and you were left in silence again. The only sounds left were the whoosh’s coming from the distant highway and Dan’s breathing.

You were fully settled into bed, with blankets over you and hair splayed across the pillow, when the thought came again.

_Did you lock the door?_

You gripped your pillow out of frustration. You did lock the door. You remembered locking it when you first went to bed. And the other countless times you had been jolted awake! Your grip on the pillow grew stronger as you replayed the mental image of your hand going to lock the door. You could hear the little click in your mind as if the doorknob were right beside you.

_Did you lock the door?_

If you could see your fist in the darkness of your room, you were sure your knuckles had turned white. Your nails dug into the pillow with fury. Yes, you did lock the door.

_Did you lo-_

You snapped up in frustration and got to your feet before the thought was even completed. You felt your legs carry your body over to the bedroom door. _No._ You stopped in your tracks. _I won’t check it this time,_ you thought. _Everything. Is. Fine._ You wrenched your eyes shut and took a deep breath. Ghostly images started appearing in your mind.

A dark shadow standing out on the street. A figure approaching the door. The door swinging open with ease, allowing the stranger inside. Your eyes fluttered open as the sound of an imaginary gunshot rang through your ears. Your eyelashes were wet with tears. Whether it was from your intrusive thoughts or simply from wrenching your eyes closed too hard, one thing was certain: You couldn’t let this happen again. You needed to go check the door.

In the blink of an eye, you were back at the landing in front of the door. You reached out and jiggled the doorknob. _Locked. It. Is. Locked._ You repeated the thought over and over again, turning it into a chant. Once you felt satisfied, you turned around and made your way up the stairs. You paused mid-flight.

It was useless. By the time you got back to bed, your anxiety would only start up again. You needed a mental picture that you wouldn’t forget. You needed to see the locked door one last time. With an exasperated sigh, you resigned to your thoughts and made your way back down the stairs for what felt like the 50th time tonight.

You rested your hand on the doorknob. It was still locked, just as it had been 30 seconds ago. You stared down at it, trying to burn the image into your mind. You drank in every little detail. The way your fingers curled around the handle, the shine on the brassy surface, the bending reflection of yourself in the handle. You closed your eyes and envisioned it perfectly. You opened them again and kept staring, trying to use this moment as a grounding space between your anxiety and reality.

“Babe?” The light above the landing flickered on, washing you in a yellow glow.

You whipped around. At the top of stairs stood Dan, eyes heavy with sleep, leaning against the railing. “Where’re you going?”

Your eyes trailed back to your hand, still gripping the knob. You quickly retrieved it and placed it behind your back. “I-I wasn’t… going anywhere”.

Dan stared drowsily at you for a moment, then his eyes widened. “You… you were checking again, weren’t you?” His voice was thick with sleep, but there was still clear worry and disappointment in it.

You cringed. The word ‘checking’ was so plain it shouldn’t have bothered you. But it carried a shameful weight with it- the weight of Dan’s disappointment and your seeming lack of impulse control. You wanted to protest but you couldn’t. You couldn’t move, couldn’t even speak. You just stared up at Dan as a hot wave of embarrassment flooded you. You could feel your face flushing.

Dan took notice of this and seemed to take pity on you. “Oh, babygirl”, he murmured, his eyebrows knit in concern. He hopped down the stairs, suddenly filled with energy. “I know it’s 3 in the morning but…”- he took your hand- “let me make you some tea”.

\---

Dan took a thoughtful sip from his mug of tea. He locked eyes with you from over the rim of his cup. “So… what’s on your mind?” An innocent question, yet it made your heart sink.

You curled your knees and propped your feet up on Dan’s leg. You stared at him for a moment, then glanced down at your mug of tea. “I don’t… know, really. I just… couldn’t sleep. L.A. heat, I guess”.

Dan nodded. “Yeah, that summer heat can be a bitch sometimes. That’s why we're sitting on the couch, covered in blankets, drinking steaming hot tea”.

His joke earned a weak smile from you. You mumbled an awkward little “yeah”, before taking a gulp of tea.

Dan sighed and put a hand on your knee. “You okay?”

You took a short breath. “Yeah, I’m fine”.

“Bullshit”, Dan started, rolling his eyes with a cheeky grin. “I know for a fact you’re not fine- otherwise you would you be sleeping peacefully”.

You snorted. “If you knew I wasn’t fine, why even ask?”

“I just wanted to see if you’d be real with me. C’mon, girl, what’s bothering you?”

You opened and closed your mouth several times, trying to search for the right words. Nothing was coming to mind. You took another long gulp of tea. You found the heat that washed over you soothing. Finally, you piped up. “I guess… just plain old anxiety.”

“(Y/N)”, Dan said softly, moving his hand to grasp your free one. “I-is this about…”

“Yes”, you replied, stopping him short. You noticed how he often danced around the subject, trying to avoid talking about what happened. “I- just- what if someone came in? I need to be prepared, I mean, locking the door is such a small step, but it feels productive and efficient and, like, it’s a physical barrier, so I would probably hear someone tr-”

“Woah, woah, slow down, (Y/N).” You hadn’t noticed how fast you started talking or how high your voice became. “Listen, something like that won’t happen-”

“You don’t _know that!_ ” You snapped, turning away from him. You could feel tears started to brim in the corners of your eyes. You looked back at Dan and your gaze was met with an expression of shock. His eyes were wide, his face pale, his lips slightly parted. You felt an immediate pang of regret. Setting your tea mug down, you crawled closer to him, reaching out and placing both hands on his cheeks. “Oh god, I’m so, so, so, sorry”, you rambled, voice barely a whisper. You flung your arms around his shoulders and pulled him in for a hug.

When you released him, you saw that his expression softened. “Hey, hey, it’s alright.” He abandoned his tea and took both your hands. “You just got a little heated, is all. I… I would probably do the same”.

“Shit, Dan, how can you stay so calm right now? You just found me glued to the door, something I haven’t done in, like, forever, and then I tried to downplay my emotions, and then I snapped at you. You’re like a saint”.

“I guess…” Dan started, the smile fading from his face, his tone becoming more serious. “It’s because I’ve been here before. I know how painful it is to wildly obsess over something for absolutely no reason.”

“But you got over it!”

“Because I got help”. He let one hand slip away from you as he leaned back into the cushions of the couch. “(Y/N), before I knew what OCD was I felt like something was wrong with me. I thought I was _broken_. But I got over it because I talked to people, and I got prescriptions, and I didn’t hole myself up with my emotions. And, like, that thing you said- well, shouted- about how I don't know that we’re safe… It’s true. I _don’t_ know that we're safe. But I know that if something happened, we’d be able to face it together”.

“I guess what I’m getting at is…”, he gave your hand a short squeeze. “Don’t feel like you’re alone. Wake me up when this shit happens”.

Your heart leaped into your throat at the end of his speech. You felt a shy smile creep across your face. Pinpricks of tears started to form in the corner of your eyes. You shuffled closer and wrapped your arms around his back, pressing your face into his chest. He held you close and rested a cheek on your head. A moment of silence passed while you both sat there on the couch, tangled together, ing to each other’s breathing.

Dan swallowed hard. “Would it kill the mood if I started singing Stacy’s Mom right now?” His voice was soft and shaky.

You looked up at him. “Are you… crying?”

Dan giggled. “Maybe a little. Stacy’s Mom would lighten the mood, though”.

You looked up at Dan with a wide goofy grin. “ _Y’know I’m not the little boy that I used to be_ …”

Dan beamed down at you. “ _I’m all grown up now, baby, can’t you see_?” He leapt off the couch, shedding the blankets from his shoulders, standing proudly with one hand on his hip and the other outstretched to you. Blinking the shallow tears from your eyes, you reached up and took his head.

He lifted you from the couch and pulled you flush to his chest. Wrapping an arm around your back and lacing his long fingers through yours, he lifted you off the ground and started to spin.

“ _Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on! She’s all I want and I waited for so long_ -” you chimed in- “ _Stacy, can’t you see? You’re just not the girl for me, I know it might be wrong but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom_ ”.

He set you down and put a hand on your waist. Fingers still locked together, you two began bouncing up and down, not caring if you were off rhythm or not. “ _Stacy, do you remember when I mowed your lawn_?” In that moment, as the song continued, you felt completely enamored with the life you had decided to share with this man.

\---

After the song (and maybe a couple other ones) had ended, and the dancing had come to a stop, Dan picked you up and carried you all the way back to bed. The sky was still dark, but the horizon was tinged with a faint minty blue hue. If you had to guess, you would say it was probably around 3 am. It was so late, yet here you were, not wanting to fall asleep.

You curled up against Dan’s chest and he pulled you in closer with an arm around your waist. The temperature was cooler than it had been earlier that night, so the warmth of his body was nothing more than a second, loving blanket wrapped around you. You laid there, with your face buried in his neck, just listening to the distant highway and the cadence of his breathing. It had already slowed and he seemed to be far away by now. But there was still one little thought spurring your mind.

“Dan?” you whispered tentatively, not wanting to bother him if he was already asleep.

His eyes fluttered open. “Hmm?”

“Oh, you’re awake. Sorry, I was- I didn’t know if-”

“What is it, (Y/N)?”

“I… I just realized something?”

“What is it?”

“A couple of hours ago, I would’ve killed to be able to sleep through the whole night. I couldn’t sleep at all, and now… well, now I still can’t sleep but for a different reason. A happier reason”.

Dan cracked a tired smile. “Oh, do tell”.

“Well, I mean, I’m absolutely exhausted but I wish we had all the time in the world so I could keep dancing with you”.

A look of soft, childlike wonder spread across Dan’s face. “I know exactly how you feel”.

“Thank you for helping me. You didn’t need to”.

“Wh- of course I needed to!” Dan blurted out. “If I didn’t, I would be an asshole”.

“I’m just saying… some guys don’t do anything”.

“Well _fuck_ those guys. I only hope you would do the same for me”.

“‘Course I would, ‘cuz I loooooovvvee youuu”, you singsonged before peppering his neck with kisses.

Dan shook with wild, hiccuping laughter. “(Y/N), stop, that tickles!”

You leaned forward to plant a kiss on his jaw, but Dan turned his head and your lips met. He smiled against the kiss and a small giggle started to rise in his throat.

“What’re you laughing about?” You pulled away but not before giving him one more peck on the lips for good measure.

“Nothin’”, he murmured, sleepily. “I just love you a lot”.

You could feel your heart flutter against your ribcage. Here was a man who was true to his word, who couldn’t contain the butterflies, even now. You fell back onto your pillow and rested your forehead against his cheek.

Somewhere in your mind, the question still nagged on. But you made a promise to yourself to not get up to check the door again. No matter how overwhelming the compulsion might be, you had found safety curled in the arms of someone who loved you. But it wasn’t over yet. When the sun rose over the sleepy horizon, you knew you would have to fight another day of urges you couldn’t control. Dan might not always be there when you need him- that’s why the promise was to yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic on August 27th at 11 pm and I finished it on September 27th at 9 pm. Roughly a month, editing (and procrastination) not included.
> 
> I decided to write this after I had a bad bout of door checking. The grumps help me relieve a lot of my stress so I was like “hey why not make this a fic”.
> 
> please read the notes at the top if you havent already.
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
